Monday, January 21, 2008

Pattern: Knit Condoms


This is a very simple pattern, and great for beginning knitters who want to get used to working with smaller needles. It's a good way to use up leftover scraps of sock yarn, or to play around with sock yarn before/instead of knitting a pair of socks. I like using solid-colored cotton if I'll be adding a face, but you can play around with variegated or self-striping yarns for your pleasure. If you're feeling even more adventurous, experiment with different gauges and yarn weights and make a condom hat, condom golf club covers, or a gargantuan condom to cover your bird's cage at night.

(No-duh disclaimer: Not to be used as a prophylactic.)


Size: Medium [Magnum], about 2" [2.5"] diameter when flattened (Medium is shown here in pink, Magnum in lavender)

Yarn: Dalegarn Stork (100% cotton) or any fingering-weight yarn of your choice; one skein will make several
Set of 4 or 5 size 0 (2 mm) doublepoint needles, or size needed to produce a solid fabric
Small tapestry needle
Embellishments if desired (e.g. small buttons, beads, sequins, or googly eyes; small amount of embroidery floss; needle for embroidery)

Gauge: 8.5 st/in in stockinette, worked in the round
Exact gauge is unimportant, as long as you work tightly enough to produce a solid fabric.

Cast on 36 [48] st evenly distributed on dpns (9[12] st on each of 4 dpns, or 12[16] st on each of 3). Join, being careful not to twist stitches.
Begin working in stockinette; bottom of work will start to roll upwards as you progress.
Work even until piece measures about 1" [1.5"] less than total desired length. If you want a condom that will stand up on a flat surface, err on the shorter side, since a too-long condom may turn out floppy or have an overly bulky roll at the bottom. If you intend to put it over any long phallic objects, make it longer. I make mine only a couple inches long because I get bored easily.

Next, decrease 6 stitches evenly spaced every other round until you have 6 stitches left. I've broken this out round-by-round as follows:

For Magnum size, work the following decrease rounds. For medium size, skip to the Decrease Rounds (Both Sizes) section.

Decrease Rounds (Magnum Only):
Round 1: [K6, k2tog] six times.
Round 2: Work even.
Round 3: [K5, k2tog] six times.
Round 4: Work even.
Proceed to Decrease Rounds (Both Sizes).

Decrease Rounds (Both Sizes):
Round 1: [K4, k2tog] six times.
Round 2: Work even.
Round 3: [K3, k2tog] six times.
Round 4: Work even.
Round 5: [K2, k2tog] six times.
Round 6: Work even.
Round 7: [K1, k2tog] six times.
Round 8: Work even.
Round 9: [K2tog] six times. 6 stitches on needles.

Work even for 2-3 rounds - this creates the reservoir tip!

Cut yarn, leaving a long enough tail to weave in. Thread yarn end on a tapestry needle. One by one, working in the round, transfer remaining live stitches onto tapestry needle. Pull yarn end taut to close hole and weave in ends.

Embellish with facial features or whatever else you want if desired.


Questions or comments? Email me at diversey.grand at If you send me pictures of your work I'll post them here!

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Condom pattern coming soon!

As promised, I will soon have a knitting pattern for this:


Though probably not before you figure it out yourself.