Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Guess - Eau de Parfum

I remember when Guess was the coolest label, when "designer jeans" automatically meant Guess, when $60 seemed like an insane price for a pair of jeans but, like, totally worth it.

I was nine.

Guess is no longer cool. The Guess of the new millenium is derivative and tacky. Guess is the reason why the popular girls laugh at the girls with Gs printed all over their handbags. Guess is what you get when you can't afford taste, and baby, they sell taste at Old Navy, so what's your excuse?

Guess is for girls who were abandoned by their mothers and raised by Lindsay Lohan.

You may protest that of course Guess is still cool; after all, they have a new fragrance out this fall. Which... you're calling this blend of air-freshener floral and Play-Doh a fragrance? And who designed that bottle? I'm so grossed out by it that I can't think of an appropriately cutting comment regarding the designer's taste and/or eyesight problems.

In short, some perfumes just make you want to kick puppies. This is one of them.

And by the way, 7 For All Mankind, this is your future. Best to quit while you're ahead.


Girl said...

Whoa, that bottle looks like one of those vaginal weights you can use for Xtreme Kegels. You could strengthen your pelvic floor and be "feminine fresh" all in one! That is, if your idea of "fresh" involves playdough and room freshener. Which it should.

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