The People of the Labyrinths - Luctor et Emergo

Who are these people, and where are these labyrinths from whence they struggle and emerge?

And what's with the trend of designer brands sounding like ancient cults, anyway? I'm scared to buy jeans from Seven for All Mankind, True Religion, Blue Cult, or Citizens of Humanity, because I'm afraid they might require some sort of animal sacrifice, or that I might be somehow brainwashed into buying $180 jeans forevermore. And if you think about it, fashion is a cult in itself--the dumbest, brainwashiest cult of all. How else do you explain people willingly paying so much for a pair of freaking jeans that probably won't be in style five years from now? With my jeans, I just cross "Old Navy" off the back and write in "Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra," and everybody thinks I'm the coolest kid of all.

So these people, in these labyrinths. I'm thinking maybe there's a minotaur, Pac-Man, and David Bowie sitting in a damp, mossy conference room, discussing perfume and occasionally sending robots to thwart Sonic the Hedgehog. The Labyrinth Zone is one of my favorite Sonic levels, probably because the music's so good. Don't laugh, but I made up lyrics:

I wonder where you are
You are now in the lab-y-rinth
You think you've come so far
But you're still in the lab-y-rinth
Where did I park my car?
I parked it in the lab-y-rinth
Da da da da da dar
Da da da in the lab-y-rinth zone

You're in the labyrinth, everybody's happy
We're in the labyrinth too
You're in the labyrinth, everybody's happy
Da da da da da da da da da da

It's a work in progress, and anyway, it really has no bearing on this fragrance, unless you take into account that the Labyrinth Zone boss is probably the hardest in the game, and it always takes me three or four tries before Sonic can successfully luct and emerg. So this is sort of a perfume about that.

I guess you want to know what it smells like.

It's pretty good on me. Mostly vanilla. It's a smoky, powdery vanilla, with a little bit of cherry syrup and marzipan thrown in. It smells a little bit like cookie dough. It smells a lot like the Original Vanilla perfume oil from the Body Shop, which I think has been discontinued, not that I'm mourning it, because I still have a full bottle gathering dust on my shelf. I just couldn't wear Original Vanilla; it was just too syrupy and sweet. Once I was wearing it, and these two people about ten feet in front of me remarked that something smelled like Dr. Pepper, and I knew it was me.

Here's the thing, though: Original Vanilla is like cookie dough after you've eaten three-quarters of the tube, and you can't even bear the smell of it, and you're sure you're going to die of salmonella within the hour. Luctor et Emergo is like the first bite of cookie dough, right after you've snipped the end off the tube, and it stays delicious for hours and hours. Maybe it's the smoky note that makes the difference. Mmm, smoked cookie dough.

(And before you point out that I'm a philistine who doesn't make her own cookie dough: Cookie dough from scratch is for baking. Cookie dough in a tube is for eating raw.)

It's a good fragrance. I like it. I don't like it enough to pay $170, though. Maybe I'd buy it if it were $60. If Original Vanilla perfume oil smelled more like this, I'd buy that.

But if you've got $170 to burn, and you like smoky cookie dough and singing the Labyrinth Zone song (feel free to add your own lyrics), then be my guest.

People of the Labyrinths Luctor et Emergo is available at LuckyScent.com.