Demeter - Croquembouche

I'm on a Demeter kick. If only Demeter had a sampling program, my life would be perfect. Oh, and a Garden Hose Pick-Me-Up spray. Why no garden hose? Where my hose at? 'Cause the distinctive smell of garden hose takes me straight back to childhood, playing in the sprinklers during the summer, watering the lawn (though badly) with my dad, and those rare occasions where I actually got to drink from the hose, which was the best of all. I'm not quite sure why tepid, hose-flavored water was such a treat, but it was. Ooh, ooh, and I remember when I discovered that it looked really cool when I swung the hose in circles, or from side to side, and the water came out all cool-looking. And I used to love identifying the duct-tape cracks in the hose and washing my toes with the tiny leaks of water. Not to mention all the water-themed games I played, and I'm not talking Slip'N'Slide (though that was kind of fun if you didn't put your slide over any rocks or tree roots). I used to turn the hose on at the top of the slope of my backyard, and create waterfalls and completely erode the yard. I'd turn my ditch into a river and float bits of grass down towards the driveway. I used to play Mudman and Mr. Clean on the swing set, with me playing both parts: Mudman would take over the slide by smearing mud all over it, but then Mr. Clean would save the day by hosing it off, much to Mudman's chagrin. And then: waterslide! In 1987, this was my best invention yet. My tailbone's still a little creaky from so many hard landings off of the Mr. Clean waterslide.

In short: Demeter, get cracking on the Garden Hose spray.

Anyway. This croquembouche thing. I've never eaten a croakingbush, but I have this wonderful fantasy of some sorta cream-puff with a crackly burnt-sugar shell.

The name "croquembouche" sounds like a French villain. Like:

COSETTE: Monsieur Croquembouche, s'il vous plait, please give that money back to the orphanage!
CROQUEMBOUCHE: Ah, but cherie, zees contract says it is now mine! I need ze money to buy a FryDaddy grand enough to deep-fry my favorite treat: puppies! Oh ho ho ho hoh!
COSETTE: Monsieur, non! Not les petits puppies! (sobs)

And then Jean Valjean, Asterix, and that candlestick from Beauty and the Beast show up and shove that evil Croquembouche into his own deep-fat fryer, whereupon it is discovered that he's not human, but actually a monster made of sugar and whipped cream, and the delicious croquembouche is created.

To be honest, there are a frillion Demeter fragrances that I'd buy before something like Croquembouche, but the gals at Makeup Alley (one of my favorite websites, by the way) gave it such glowing reviews that I figured, well, why not? I've noticed, by the way, that quite a few Makeup Alley members are nuts about sweet, bakery-like "foody" smells. I like them on occasion, but I've smelled enough vanilla-sugary fragrances. They're like the family films of the perfume world: when you're young enough, you like them all, and it doesn't really matter that they're all the same. Eventually you outgrow most of them, but you never abandon the really well-made ones.

Anyway, to the point: I was a little disappointed in this fragrance.

More to the point: WAITER, THERE'S CILANTRO IN MY CROQUEMBOUCHE!!

Yeah. No. No, I don't get it. It smells like cilantro. It's not that alcoholy scent that perfumes have when you first apply them. It's definitely something different, and it's definitely not croquembouchey. Furthermore, I hate cilantro. I've actively tried to like it, and I like it for the first bite, but after that, it's no good. It's the culinary equivalent of nails on a chalkboard. To me, it tastes like surgery, and I'm sorry, but that's the association I get. (Rumor has it that cilantro-hating is genetic.)

The cilantro scent lingers for about ten to twenty minutes, longer than any off-odor should reasonably stick around, and then it turns into a surprisingly pleasant, but generic, caramel-vanilla-foody smell.

A few hours after that, it fades into a chocolate-cakey scent, almost identical to Palmer's Cocoa Butter Lotion. Or maybe I was wearing Palmer's at the time. I'm not sure.

Anyway, buy some Palmer's, because it's my new favorite lotion. Don't buy any Croquembouche. I'd send it back, but I'm too lazy.